So I really want a doughnut...

really really really badly. I have been so hungry late a night recently. I think it has something to do with my new hours of employment. Quick update on that front. I was promoted(yay!) at my barista job and have been training, moved cafes, and am doing more closes than before. I still have a secod job, with limited hours...we will see if I keep that one after the summer. Having 2 jobs can be a wee bit stressful.

Anyways. I went on a run yesterday! It took me longer than it used to to run 3 miles, but I did it! I think I am signing up for a 10k at the end of July to motivate myself.

The problem right now is food. I love food. I have bingeing tendencies with it. I also really crave food late at night now. HUge amounts of it. All I want right now is rich desserts and fried food. Like a huge burger. BLAST! What do you do when the cravings threaten to overtake you?

This is it.

I woke up this morning and thought, "enough."

Enough of the sloth, enough of the plateau, enough of the bingeing tendencies and shitty food. Enough of the stress and putting myself 2nd. I'm back, I'm looking for a 5k, I'm eating healthy, and it's all going to be okay:)

Words of Wisdom

So I was just reading another blog: Prior Fat Girl. Jen is an example of a definite success in the weight-loss world. She has lost and maintained, and has kept a fantastic blog the whole time! Her most recent post (read here) is about quitting.

Well, not so much quitting, but finding the right "program" for you. Weight-loss is a matter of trial and error. A technique that works for someone else might not work for you. Or a certain regimen might work for a few months, but then life changes and what was working isn't working anymore.

Which is the limbo I have been in for the past 2 fricking months. I did the 5k in March,a nd since then it's roller-coaster city with my weight-loss. I make goals, I ditch them, I make rules, I break them, I eat well and then like shit.

So what's the problem? I currently weigh 184lbs. I've lost 60lbs(yay!). This weight is familiar to me. Not ideal, but familiar. I am not estatcic about 184, but it means I can fit into some larges instead of x-larges. It means I am not huge. But I know I can do better.

I think my motivation needs to be found again. Why am I doing this? Why is it important for me to lose 30 more lbs? Why not just maintain and rest easy? Where's the push going to come from to motivate me?

BMI - mine is about 30. This puts me in the overweight category. Now, I know BMI isn't everything. It doesn't account for the size of my bones, muscle vs. fat, or my boobs:) But it is an indicator in the health scale. And I would like to be lower.

Mental Health - I'm happier when I'm physical. I am less stressed, and I am more confident in what I am doing.

Summer - Tank tops, shorts, and swim suits. Yep. Oh joys.

It's time to reconfigure folks.

Topsy Turvy

So life has been a bit busy on my end. I got a promotion at one job (yay!), have started trying to date, and been helping plan a wedding:) All good stuff, but it's keeping me busier than I truly want to be. Right now I am maintaining at about 185lbs. Not ideal.

My eating is pretty awful most of the time because I am too tired to prepare and make the effort. I have been biking to work more, which is good because it means I do actually exercise almost every day. It's funny though, my mid-section is still flabby-ish, but my thighs are rock solid:)

What I am excited for is this: I am going on vacation. FINALLY! I had a 3 day weekend in January, but other than that I have not had more than 2 days in a row off since August. There are many reasons for that(I needed the work, I wanted to save money for moving out of my parents' house, I was new, wanted to make a good impression) but lately I am realizing I need at least one day off a week for sanity.

My promotion guarantees me more hours at a higher wage, so I am hoping to phase out my other job, or at least cut hours back to 8 a week. I need time to exercise every day. I am happier if I am active. Which is why I plan to be active on my vacation!!

I'm on my way to DC for my sister's graduation, and I am pumped. Even the thought of riding a plane has me excited. I see travel as an excellent time to reflect and read and take stock. These are things I need to do with my life right now. How can I be physically and mentally happy? How do I balance? How can I live on less? How come chocolate is so freaking good? You know, questions like that:)