I'm almost back in the game

Rapid fire of updates, and then we will go more in-depth: I weigh 184lbs, food journaling is mostly back on track, focus is resetting, and I have another goal in mind. Get it? Got it? Good.

Weigh-in

So I weighed in at 184lbs last Wednesday. This is a 1/2 lb loss from my previous weigh-in, but I don't think it's a good loss. With my huge exercise break, I lost a lot of muscle, which weighs more than fat. So while I have lost a 1/2 lb, I am flabbier than I was 2 weeks ago. So yay, but time to move on. I do not mind a pound gain in the next week, as long as I am back to resistance training.

Food Journaling...

makes a difference. I REALLYREALLYREALLY need to stick to this. I did a lot of drinking and eating in the past few days, and I have journaled most nights, but not all. It seriously takes less than 5 minutes, and makes such a difference.

Seeing my food intake on paper helps me understand what I have done (for good and for evil:). If I had a camera, and could do a photo food journal for a while, I'm pretty sure my eating would change starting yesterday. Sometimes I don't even look at the food/portion I am consuming. That's not just unhealthy, it's unenjoyable. AND I LOVE FOOD. So enjoying it is essential.

Focus

I had none. And I am slowly gaining it back. I've been stressing out about some other areas of my life recently, and my health is suffering because of it. I actually didn't realize how much I have on my plate until right now. Work, family, friends, love life, money. These things enhance my life, and bring stress to it. I think to begin getting a handle on my life again, I need to take some time to journal and reflect. Life is always in transition, and this is just a series of waves that will rock my boat for a while. I will not be capsized.

Goals

1. Food journal every night. Really, not that difficult.
2. Emotion/event journal every night below food list. Nothing huge, just a recap of the day and a chance to write out a few bullet points on my mind. I think this will help me regain my focus.
3. Figure out a plan for food. I haven't been doing great shopping recently. I run out of food faster than I see coming, and then I end up grabbing things to eat...which doesn't always end well. I have a good handle on breakfast, so I think the next step is lunch. It's time to figure out what I can make easily, that is healthy, and that will truly fuel me for work. What do you do for healthy lunches?
4. I am thinking of running a 10k or a half marathon this summer. BAM! That's right, I wrote half marathon. Betcha didn't see that coming! I haven't decided which one yet, but either one will push me. The only reason I am even considering a half is because I would be fine with walking 1-2 miles of it. If I did the 10k this summer, I would want to run the whole thing. I am holding off on deciding which one I will do for a at least 2 weeks, so I can see where I am physically.
5. I'm going to put a goal out there. Here it is. I would like to weigh 175 by June 1st. That's 9lbs in about 8 weeks. I think I need to do a jump start again, focus on resistance, running, and proper fueling of the body. Also, I miss feeling like a sexy beast:)

So that's that. I am trying and trying and trying again. Thanks for the support along the way, and happy Monday to you all!

Shit.

(am I allowed to type that? Too late.)

I haven't worked out in 9 days.

This morning I ate 3.5 breakfast pastries.

I have only food journaled 4 times in the past 12 days.

I have not weighed myself in 13 days.

Shit.

After a victory like my 5k at the Shamrock Run, you would think the "winning" would continue. Instead, I feel directionless, bored, tired and a little befuddled. What exactly am I working towards? What's my directive at this point?

Having the run to train for inspired me, and kept on a fantastic track for 6 weeks(except for when I was a cranky-pants). Now it just feels like a long stretch until my ideal weight in December. Which I won't get to if I continue my current habits.

Blast and wretch!

Here's the plan stan. I'm going to bed. Because I work in 7 hours and I need my sleep. Tomorrow I am going to take a good hour to look through some work out plans, possible fitness goals, and runs in the area. I am also weighing myself.

My body is not as strong as it was 8 days ago. Funny how that happens so fast.

Dagnabit:)

I shamROCKED that run!

I RAN A 5K!! Sunday was the big day. I got up uber early after a night of "carb-loading" (translation: mexican food and doughnuts....good stuff) and put on my hot pink spandex pants. Registration was full, there were thousands of people walking around in crazy green outfits and race numbers.

It was exciting to be a runner. I had a timer chip, a colored bib, and my handy dandy underwire sportsbra! I wasn't nervous until it began, but I quickly became okay with being passed by everyone. I didn't even notice the mile markers until mile 2, so I was in a good place mentally.

My time was 34 minutes, about 11 minutes a mile. I like that number. What's funny is that I have been running for 42 minutes straight for the past week so when I got to the finish line, I still had energy. I could have continued running. Me. A runner. Crazy.

I'm proud of myself, and ready to find another goal to work towards.

Dude!!!

I've lost 59.5lbs!

Current weight: 184.5lbs.

Current mood: happy.

Current earrings: wooden slugs.

Current drink: water from my camelbak.

Current wish: if I write it, it won't come true.

Happy day to all:)

More like Hip-NOT!

What I will be doing veryververy soon...except in a bed

My heart is broken. Shattered. My feet cannot find their groove. I've got the rhythm of the world inside me, and nowhere to let it out. Remember last Wednesday? I was pumped about a certain hip-hop class?

Here's the deal. My 24hour doesn't offer a hip-hop class. Ever. Apparently the internet and the sign outside their group class door are incorrect. My disappointment was great. My sorrow was wide. Luckily, my friend Meghan was there to cross the sorrow in a boat built for two...with beer.

That's right. Instead of working out, we went and got a pint. There was nowhere else to dance at 7pm on a Thursday! And we are both early workers, so staying out late is not really appealing (most of the time:). Thus, beer was the obvious runner-up for exercise.

So I am working on finding another dance outlet. One that doesn't cost much. But is more than my living room and Pandora on loud.

Mental Mush

My brain has been fried lately. The filing system is out of whack, and everyday I have to re-group, re-do, and re-focus. So my eating and exercise has been a little sporadic and varied. I didn't work out on Thursday, Saturday or yesterday, but I did a 43 minute run on Sunday(oh yeah Kristi, I lied...it was for our own good! She thought we only went for 40 minutes! Mwahahahaha!) I am also low on groceries, so I am grabbing at food.

Never good. I was thinking about how much I spend on groceries, and I was concerned that I was spending too much. But then I realized a few things.

1. I don't eat out a lot. So it makes sense that I spend more on groceries because I am making most of my food. The budgets balance out.
2. I buy good healthy food. It's worth the money I spend to have yummy food that is good for me. If the alternative is ramen every day, I'm happy to spend.
3. I am saving money in the long run. If I was eating really un-healthily/out a lot, my health problems would be bigger in the future....as would my medical bills.

The money I spend on food is an investment in myself. It is an investment in my body, my health, and my happiness. I love making meals! I love food! I don't go to the movies a lot or pay for cable, but I do spend time creating tastey yum in the kitchen!

Speaking of the kitchen

I just wanted to let you know that I made brussel sprouts on Friday again. For a group of people. Who like good food. I was really nervous about their reaction to them, but brother, those sprouts were gone in 2 winks of a coal miner's eye! (Anchormansoundtrackreference)

Time for this chica to snooze before her Wednesday weigh-in! Happy Tuesday to all, and to all, a goodnight!

(My 5k is this weekend! I still can't believe I am running! Neither can my boobs! God bless underwire sports bras!)

Rambles and a Picture!

I want to apologize for not giving y'all more photos to gander at. I don't know if I have shared this, but I don't have a camera. I basically break all technology around me, and so the fact that I have a computer that is still functioning after 5 months with me, is FANTASTIC. So I put a little pic at the top for you to enjoy. It's my brother, sister and I at the beach over Valentine's day...aren't we cute?! (yes)

I am really excited about tonight. Like, really, really, uber, and totally excited...because I am going to a hip hop class! What what! That's right, I'm about to bust a beat on the group class floor at my gym(probably with a whole bunch of other white gals:).

I have been wanting to have more dance in my life. Not just random dance parties to my Irish Pandora station, but slightly directed dancing. Who knows, maybe I will start a breakdancing group one of these days....no really, how cool would that be....I am such a nerd.

Anywho. I weighed in this week at 185.5. That's a solid 1lbs loss from last week! I can't believe how close to 180lb I am. So close. And from there it's a short 5 weeks to 175. And then one day I might break below 170 for the first time in my adult life. Awesome.

Can you tell that I'm not so cranky anymore? I allowed myself some cranky time, and then pulled out of it. I used to push bad feelings down. Fake a good mood, pretend, and smother the bad. The problem there, is that the bad isn't gone. It's still inside and boiling.

This journey I am on is not just about losing weight. For the first time in a long time, I am expressing my struggles, fears, wins and loses. I am exposing the bad feelings so I can change my behaviors. And I still get cranky. But I feel healthier in mind, knowing it's okay to be down, because I will go back up...I think that all makes sense.

Thanks for listening to the ramblings, and have a fantastic Thursday!

Cranky Pants

It's Monday. I have a balance of really great and slightly sucky in my life at this moment. And this is a moment where I'm letting the slightly sucky dominate. I'm cranky and sore, and I want my life to be a BBC Jane Austen mini-series. Where is my Mr.Tilney?

Anywho. That's where I am at the moment. I had a great weekend, as evidenced by the sweet picture of me above. My mom, my dog, and my roomie Kristi went on a hike in the Columbia Gorge with me! It was a gorgeous day, and Girl Scout cookies might have been consumed at the top...maybe:)

I love being outside. I think that is one of the reasons running is going so well for me. It guarantees me fresh air and a chance to work out whatever is cluttering my mind at the time. I challenge you to exercise outside this week, sans media. That's right. Take out the head phones, give it a try.

Weigh-in

Good news! I weighed this past week at 186.5! That's another 1.5lbs lost! Exclamation points! I felt relatively confident ordering a bridesmaid dress this week in a size smaller than what I tried on. The wedding is not until the end of July, so if I continue losing a pound a week, that will be another 21lbs down from where I am now. (I know I will continue on my plan. I know I can do this, and so I blocked out the doubt in the bridal shop worker's voice when I ordered a size smaller. I don't care what she's seen before. I'm not losing weight for the wedding, I'm losing it for myself, and I know I will continue to work myself and eat healthy. So in your face lady!)

I'm nervous for tomorrow's weigh-in. Probably because I ate three batches of nachos yesterday.

Did I write that outloud?

Shit.

Yep, it's true. I nixed dinner and noshed on nachos after my hike yesterday. I would never regret nachos, but three batches might have been pushing it. Maybe all the salt makes me cranky! Maybe I'm just cranky. Good thing I am running later, I'll pound it out on the pavement. A happy Monday to you all, hope you are feeling good and ready for the week!