I need more floor.

I really want this rug. It's the Gislev rug from ikea, it's only $19.99. Only problem? I have no where to put it. No need. My cup runneth over with rugs, in fact, because there is a large rug hanging out under my bed right now, rolled into a slug.

But isn't she beautiful?! I love graphic prints, and the color gray...seriously, it's so cheap! This is such a struggle for me. I am at the point where I don't really need anything for our apartment. One or two storage solutions could be added, but truly, we are set. Where is the fun in that?

Last week I was feeling the decorating/painting/crafting fire within, and I decided to paint our entry-way table blue. Not just any blue, mind you, but the beautiful dark deep turquoise blue that would match our dining room table and makes me think of New Mexico and the ocean. I took it to my parents' house (we don't have a space for projects like that), took out the hardware, sanded it down, primed it....and.....uh...wait a tic....I could've sworn.....where is that blue paint?

No sh*t folks. I can't find my paint. I've been looking for 4 days. Everywhere. Nada.

My blue paint has gone undercover. Which is frustrating because 1)it was going to match, 2)I wouldn't have to spend any money on this project, and 3)it was an oops paint. One of those gallons that didn't turn out just right that you get for cheap on a metal rack at Fred Meyer's. So I can't match it exactly. The injustice of it all!!

However, if my biggest problem right now is finding a new paint for an entry way table, my life isn't actually that bad:)

Have you ever started a project without all the materials/tools, and realized it halfway through?

A few of my favorite things right now...

I'd like to take this time to share with you a few things I am loving. Like this new blog. And this English house tour. And as ever, this video.

Other what-not that is rocking my socks. right now includes:

My family dog in a cone. She is not amused. But I am!

This adorable glass lamp at a vintage shop. The shade would need replacement, but I love the peach color, and the clear glass look. I tried to echo that in a rather failed project I will post about later.

Jacket and tunic at Kohl's. My awesome friend Mandie used her 30% coupon to help me get the tunic, but the jacket has yet to be mine! I love fall and the clothes that accompany it, don't you?

Three bowls I got for someone's birthday. The are simple, classy, and you can use them for a variety of uses...it's a wonder I even gave them away, when they looked so good on my car seat next to my fabulous flip phone:)

Roasted tomatoes with garlic. That tray is mine!

What are you loving this fall season? What's making you happy this week?

Pasta and Pudding...and sharing clothes.

I'm pretty sure I just ate my weight in pasta and pudding. The pasta was whole-wheat with homemade roasted tomato sauce, so that, I don't feel too bad about. But I really need to invest in more desserts to have on hand at home, otherwise I begin making huge portions of random things, usually involving chocolate. And then my tummy hurts.

But in other news. My roomie adn I recently had a party! It was a ladies night in, and we asked our friends to bring any clothes or accessories that they wanted to get rid of to trade! Basically, we laid everything out on the floor and furniture, and then people just tried on things that hit their fancy bone. The below picture is us with some of our new styling clothes.

(did I mention we asked people to wear fancy dresses they probably couldn't wear anywhere else? I mention this in reference to the dress I am sporting...also, I was baking cookies, and the apron made me feel sexy:)

It was great for folks to get some new pieces for their wardrobe without having to spend any money! Later the same week I took a huge tupperware container to Goodwill of the leftovers. What do you do to save money on clothes?

Jamie Lee Curtis rocks the house!

I just read an article from Good Housekeeping about Jamie Lee Curtis and her epic house organizing/cleaning, and you so the same here. One of the highlights of visiting my parents house is reading Good Housekeeping, Better Homes and Gardens, and More. Do I have the tendencies of a 45 year old woman? Yes. But along with those classic magazines, I also love more modern forms of home inspiration, like Young House Love, or Apartment Therapy. That makes me not quite middle age, right? Right?

But back to Jamie Lee Curtis. Her organizing tendencies go way past what I am able to handle, but one idea in particular that I liked was her kitchen storage. She keeps staples, like flour, sugar, etc, in big tupperware containers instead of in their original boxes/bags. This means they stay fresher longer. And you get to label things. And it just looks so darn organized in similar tubs! I just recently cleaned out my kitchen cupboard, but I'm thinking about taking another go at it, and trying some of her ideas. Although I might need more than one bin for chocolate....

How do you organize in you kitchen? Do you buy in bulk or go for the name brands?

Changes in the weather, and in my blog.

It's my favorite season of all! And since I'm not headed back to school or starting a new job, I'm making a change or two in my own life to keep it real y'all.

And this blog is one of them. For a while...okay, months, this blog has lost importance in my health life. I was stressed about other things, I couldn't concentrate, or was too ashamed to write, and it fell apart. I think with the move and my life becoming more full of family and friends and things to do in Portland, I had less need/time for a blog dedicated to something that was no longer as important to me.

Does that make any sense? Basically, this blog is no longer a weight-loss tool for me. But I still love writing, and I have been reading other blogs to keep me inspired. Not only weight-loss blogs, but also budget and home decor/DIY blogs. And I think that might be where this blog is heading...so stay tuned:)

Roast that tomato!

Oh dear. it would seem i have been rather absent. no matter! I have been roasting tomatoes. Not all summer of course, but for the past week, and I am perfectly sure that I could consume an entire pan fresh out of the oven. Without even sharing with the roommate who is coming home in only a few minutes....resist!

I am at the same weight I was at 5 months ago. Yay mid-80s! It does put into question my goal weight of 154lbs. I don't know what to do about this. Well, in fact, I do know what to do, but I don't know if I want to do it. Or if I can.

I feel stretched thin. I still have two jobs for god-knows-what-reason, and friends and family I like to spend time with. So finding the hour to go running and plan healthy food and care about losing weight doesn't take precedent. Do I realize that taking that time might help me in other areas in my life? Yes. Am I human, and therefore full of choices that don't always make sense? Yes again.

I don't ask that you continue reading my blog after my dismal writing attendance. And I can't guarantee that I will write better from now on. But I am letting you know that something will happen here, ever so often, and I will let you know if I randomly lose 30lbs:)

the sun has arrived!

It's finally sunny in Portland. THANK YOU GOD! I've been less hungry during the heat, but there is one problem with summer...ice cream.

Okay, it's not a problem exactly, and I'm a year-round ice cream eater no matter the weather....but i'll be damned if the sun dappling through the leaves into my window doesn;t make me think of fudge ripple...or half-baked...or the entire Ben And Jerry's section in my local grocery store where pints are on sale for 2.27.

It's bad. I want it all the time. But I do have two things looming in the future that are (kinda) keeping me in check. 1)the wedding. Specifically, the bridesmaid dress that is a size 14 and fits me! Woot woot! I could be a little smaller and fit better, but at this point, I'm all for maintaining and having fun! 2)my run! It's coming up and I need to train in the heat and push myself to be sore more often.

Good luck to you all in your enjoyment of summer!

My bike is a b*tch.

I have named my (2nd) bike Millificent. She is a witch. Yes, I ride her every day. Yes, she functions. Yes, she holds my water bottle and rolls and has handlebars.

But she also gets flat tires, broken spokes and kaput brakes at least once a week! Gah!!!

She's not really awful, it's just been interesting learning how to care for my bike in a "i-need-this-to-get-to-work" way, instead of an "it's-time-for-one-of-my-yearly-rides" way. I bike to both of my jobs. It's about 3 miles between my apartment and either job, so I'm riding 5.5-6 miles 6 days a week, in addition to a random hike and run that I throw in. I've been too busy to go to the gym, and who wants to when it;s actually sunny outside?

I haven't weighed myself for a wee bit, but I think that will be a more regular occurrence after a shopping trip tomorrow:) gee, I can't even imagine what you would be buying...

Have and excellent middle of your week! Good luck on all your fitness goals!

my dogs are tired, yo!

Update:

Ran 3 miles on Monday.

Hiked 5 miles on Tuesday.

Biked to work and did an abs workout at home today.

Woot woot!

I also ate pretty darn healthy through all of that! My goal of this week is to drink less. Still drink, but not every night, and only a bit. It's crazy how many calories are in beer.wine.liquer. Darnit:)

THIS BLOG

Let's talk for a moment about this blog. It is changing. For at least a while. When I first started it was a fantastic place to share research, results, and kept me focused. It has been hard to stay motivated the last few months, and the blog has suffered. Sorry.

The next month is busy for me because my bff is getting married soon! The one awesome one whose wedding I bought a dress one size smaller for...egads! So for the next month, I will be doing pretty basic update posts. I know it's not much, or very exciting, but at this point in time, it's what I need.

So. That's all. I am pumped about my sore legs and feet. And about the dress. And of course, this season of shorts, and skirts...that I get to participate in:)

Kayaking in the Rain

It's raining in Portland right now. I don't know if you knew that. It's been raining for about the past three weeks.

"Wait, isn't it June?"

Yep. Yep it is. Still raining. I love Portland, I love the Pacific Northwest, and I love rain for 8 months out of the year. But for pete's sake, this is supposed to be one of the beautiful four!

Despite the drizzle, I went kayaking today! I have been twice before and LOVED it, and it was so much fun to go with a good friend who knew what they were doing! I learned a lot, I saw 3 bald eagles and 4 hawks, 2 blues herons, and a partridge in a pear tree....okay, not the partridge:)

I also biked 11 miles! It's been a busy day:)

I weighed myself today and found that I am at 183lbs! Sweet! I'll take it! (isn't it funny how different we weigh at different times of the day? Like, If I weighed myself right now I would be about 185lbs, due to the amount of cookies, fruit, and sangria in my belly...yum)

So in an effort to take another look at my health/diet/nutrition, I am reading "Why French Women don't get Fat." I read a little of it about 2 years ago, but I remember giving up early in the book, when she suggests a weekend of drinking leek broth....not really my thing. And I still don't think that's my style. But she is presenting some good ideas in a palatable way, so we will see what happens. I'll keep you updated on the reading, my weight, and this wonderful journey we call life!

(Also, I'm thinking there should be a book out there called "Why Irish-American Women don't get why Beer isn't a Food:)

Priorities, Runs, and Pictures, oh my!

So I went on vacation three weeks ago, and it was fantastic! I went to Washington DC to see my little sister graduate from college, and soon my brother will be graduating from high school! Woot for them! The picture above is me looking cool in front of the White House. That was the day I rocked the Austrian Maverick look:)

Actually, those shorts are the first women's shorts I have owned in a while. I usually go for guy's shorts because they are longer, don;t hug my body, and come with many handy pockets:)
This epic picture is of my room mates and I at the Shamrock Run. Did I mention that one of my room mates is in a pipe band? Oh yeah.

I was thinking about the Shamrock run recently, because (drumroll please) I am signing up for another run! I need a goal to work towards, and so I will be doing a 8k at the end of July.

Now. Time to regroup.

I was looking at my calendar, trying to see how off track I have gotten. This plateau (mostly self inflicted) has hurt me. I am wounded sir, but not dead! Wouldn't you know it, there are 30 more weeks in the year, starting from today. I haven't weighed myself for 2 weeks, but I am assuming I am hanging around 184. So that gives me 30 weeks to lose 30lbs. Step by step.

My weight has taken a back burner to other life events. Such as: my promotion. I am now in a new cafe, in charge of people who have been barista's far longer than I have, and working a completely different schedule. Stress is high and routine is gone. But it has been 3 weeks, and I think I am getting used to my new schedule.

So now I know that while I don't have energy to make food after work, I can make more complicated stuff in the morning. Like quiche, or a pasta salad for later! And then when I come home from work late in the evening, I should just eat fruit and a small serving of carbs/protein. Not the sweets and fats I crave...like the 2 doughnuts I just ate.

Have I mentioned bingeing tendencies? It mostly involves sweets, but lately I just want to eat, and once I start, it is hard to start. Nothing really fills me, and I know it has to do with stress.

So. New job. New boss. New schedule. Car broke down. Still no romantic life. Working 6 day weeks. Wanderlust is setting in.

I was talking to a friend recently, and found myself saying that my 20's feel like survival. I wake up, survive without any major bodily harm, try not to hurt others, come home, sleep. And I consider that a successful day. I am stressed. But working on it.

Thanks for still reading, and for inspiring me. I'm coming back, and am excited to get on this journey again!

So I really want a doughnut...

really really really badly. I have been so hungry late a night recently. I think it has something to do with my new hours of employment. Quick update on that front. I was promoted(yay!) at my barista job and have been training, moved cafes, and am doing more closes than before. I still have a secod job, with limited hours...we will see if I keep that one after the summer. Having 2 jobs can be a wee bit stressful.

Anyways. I went on a run yesterday! It took me longer than it used to to run 3 miles, but I did it! I think I am signing up for a 10k at the end of July to motivate myself.

The problem right now is food. I love food. I have bingeing tendencies with it. I also really crave food late at night now. HUge amounts of it. All I want right now is rich desserts and fried food. Like a huge burger. BLAST! What do you do when the cravings threaten to overtake you?

This is it.

I woke up this morning and thought, "enough."

Enough of the sloth, enough of the plateau, enough of the bingeing tendencies and shitty food. Enough of the stress and putting myself 2nd. I'm back, I'm looking for a 5k, I'm eating healthy, and it's all going to be okay:)

Words of Wisdom

So I was just reading another blog: Prior Fat Girl. Jen is an example of a definite success in the weight-loss world. She has lost and maintained, and has kept a fantastic blog the whole time! Her most recent post (read here) is about quitting.

Well, not so much quitting, but finding the right "program" for you. Weight-loss is a matter of trial and error. A technique that works for someone else might not work for you. Or a certain regimen might work for a few months, but then life changes and what was working isn't working anymore.

Which is the limbo I have been in for the past 2 fricking months. I did the 5k in March,a nd since then it's roller-coaster city with my weight-loss. I make goals, I ditch them, I make rules, I break them, I eat well and then like shit.

So what's the problem? I currently weigh 184lbs. I've lost 60lbs(yay!). This weight is familiar to me. Not ideal, but familiar. I am not estatcic about 184, but it means I can fit into some larges instead of x-larges. It means I am not huge. But I know I can do better.

I think my motivation needs to be found again. Why am I doing this? Why is it important for me to lose 30 more lbs? Why not just maintain and rest easy? Where's the push going to come from to motivate me?

BMI - mine is about 30. This puts me in the overweight category. Now, I know BMI isn't everything. It doesn't account for the size of my bones, muscle vs. fat, or my boobs:) But it is an indicator in the health scale. And I would like to be lower.

Mental Health - I'm happier when I'm physical. I am less stressed, and I am more confident in what I am doing.

Summer - Tank tops, shorts, and swim suits. Yep. Oh joys.

It's time to reconfigure folks.

Topsy Turvy

So life has been a bit busy on my end. I got a promotion at one job (yay!), have started trying to date, and been helping plan a wedding:) All good stuff, but it's keeping me busier than I truly want to be. Right now I am maintaining at about 185lbs. Not ideal.

My eating is pretty awful most of the time because I am too tired to prepare and make the effort. I have been biking to work more, which is good because it means I do actually exercise almost every day. It's funny though, my mid-section is still flabby-ish, but my thighs are rock solid:)

What I am excited for is this: I am going on vacation. FINALLY! I had a 3 day weekend in January, but other than that I have not had more than 2 days in a row off since August. There are many reasons for that(I needed the work, I wanted to save money for moving out of my parents' house, I was new, wanted to make a good impression) but lately I am realizing I need at least one day off a week for sanity.

My promotion guarantees me more hours at a higher wage, so I am hoping to phase out my other job, or at least cut hours back to 8 a week. I need time to exercise every day. I am happier if I am active. Which is why I plan to be active on my vacation!!

I'm on my way to DC for my sister's graduation, and I am pumped. Even the thought of riding a plane has me excited. I see travel as an excellent time to reflect and read and take stock. These are things I need to do with my life right now. How can I be physically and mentally happy? How do I balance? How can I live on less? How come chocolate is so freaking good? You know, questions like that:)

Okay. Here goes.

Thank you for all of your comments on my previous post. It's hard for me to blog when the news isn;t good, because it's admitting that I am human and that I fail.

So here is the update: I weighed in this Monday at 185lbs. That is a pound gain from last time I wrote about a weigh-in. On the one hand, it's only one pound. On the other hand, it all starts with one pound. I am reconsidering my goal of weighing 175lbs by June 1st. I need to focus day by day right now.

On the good side of things, I am being more active again. I went running on Monday, and on Tuesday Kristi and I went on a 7 mile hike 3000 feet up a mountain. BAM! My legs still hurt, but it was an ass kicking that was worth it.

And maybe there is the key. Pushing myself is worth it. Challenging myself is worth it. I am worth it. Thanks for sticking around, and stay tuned for more positive posts:)

Here's the deal.

I binged today. Like I did yesterday. I got off work around lunchtime, and picked up fast food on my way home, more than I needed, and sat on the catch eating it guiltily until every last fry covered in ranch was gone.

Not my proudest moments. Not my healthiest moments. I have been in denial about the last two weeks of health. So I haven't been food journaling. It's just because I'm busy. I haven't been working out consistently. I'm busy and tired. Great excuses really. Fantastic.

I'm don't know the answer. I am tired, and frustrated, and ready to stop trying. DAGNABIT!

I'm sorry my first post in a long time is like this. I wish I was reporting success and courage to you, but at this moment, that is not the case.

Not great. Not bad, but not great.

These are a few of my favorite things...

1. My new shoes. Asics, GT2150 Trail Running shoes, grey and green. They hug my feet, comfort me, keep my feet stable, and are actually made for running, unlike the cross-training shoes I ran in for 3 months. And I got them 40% off! They made my 4.2 mile run today delightful...even though it was windy...and raining....and I was gassy....too much?
2. My food journal that now has room for emotional bullet points. You would think I would be fantastic at keeping a journal, what with me blogging and majoring in english/writing, but alas, I am not. So bullet points are my attempt. And it's working. I'm regaining focus, and getting to sleep faster! Woot for sleep!
3. Fruits and Vegetables! I stocked up at the store this week, no skimping. I would rather have fruit at hand for snacking than other stuff, and I can add frozen veggies to pretty much anything.
4. Odwalla SUPERFOOD drink. It's green, tastes pretty nummy, and makes me feel healthy at the beginning of the day.
5. Books. I know this doesn;t have to do with weight-loss, but I love books and reading. And yesterday (my first day off from both jobs in 10 days), I read something that resonated with me. I'm rereading it, and making notes, and then I will share it with you all.
6. This video. I smile every time. Every time.

I'm almost back in the game

Rapid fire of updates, and then we will go more in-depth: I weigh 184lbs, food journaling is mostly back on track, focus is resetting, and I have another goal in mind. Get it? Got it? Good.

Weigh-in

So I weighed in at 184lbs last Wednesday. This is a 1/2 lb loss from my previous weigh-in, but I don't think it's a good loss. With my huge exercise break, I lost a lot of muscle, which weighs more than fat. So while I have lost a 1/2 lb, I am flabbier than I was 2 weeks ago. So yay, but time to move on. I do not mind a pound gain in the next week, as long as I am back to resistance training.

Food Journaling...

makes a difference. I REALLYREALLYREALLY need to stick to this. I did a lot of drinking and eating in the past few days, and I have journaled most nights, but not all. It seriously takes less than 5 minutes, and makes such a difference.

Seeing my food intake on paper helps me understand what I have done (for good and for evil:). If I had a camera, and could do a photo food journal for a while, I'm pretty sure my eating would change starting yesterday. Sometimes I don't even look at the food/portion I am consuming. That's not just unhealthy, it's unenjoyable. AND I LOVE FOOD. So enjoying it is essential.

Focus

I had none. And I am slowly gaining it back. I've been stressing out about some other areas of my life recently, and my health is suffering because of it. I actually didn't realize how much I have on my plate until right now. Work, family, friends, love life, money. These things enhance my life, and bring stress to it. I think to begin getting a handle on my life again, I need to take some time to journal and reflect. Life is always in transition, and this is just a series of waves that will rock my boat for a while. I will not be capsized.

Goals

1. Food journal every night. Really, not that difficult.
2. Emotion/event journal every night below food list. Nothing huge, just a recap of the day and a chance to write out a few bullet points on my mind. I think this will help me regain my focus.
3. Figure out a plan for food. I haven't been doing great shopping recently. I run out of food faster than I see coming, and then I end up grabbing things to eat...which doesn't always end well. I have a good handle on breakfast, so I think the next step is lunch. It's time to figure out what I can make easily, that is healthy, and that will truly fuel me for work. What do you do for healthy lunches?
4. I am thinking of running a 10k or a half marathon this summer. BAM! That's right, I wrote half marathon. Betcha didn't see that coming! I haven't decided which one yet, but either one will push me. The only reason I am even considering a half is because I would be fine with walking 1-2 miles of it. If I did the 10k this summer, I would want to run the whole thing. I am holding off on deciding which one I will do for a at least 2 weeks, so I can see where I am physically.
5. I'm going to put a goal out there. Here it is. I would like to weigh 175 by June 1st. That's 9lbs in about 8 weeks. I think I need to do a jump start again, focus on resistance, running, and proper fueling of the body. Also, I miss feeling like a sexy beast:)

So that's that. I am trying and trying and trying again. Thanks for the support along the way, and happy Monday to you all!

Shit.

(am I allowed to type that? Too late.)

I haven't worked out in 9 days.

This morning I ate 3.5 breakfast pastries.

I have only food journaled 4 times in the past 12 days.

I have not weighed myself in 13 days.

Shit.

After a victory like my 5k at the Shamrock Run, you would think the "winning" would continue. Instead, I feel directionless, bored, tired and a little befuddled. What exactly am I working towards? What's my directive at this point?

Having the run to train for inspired me, and kept on a fantastic track for 6 weeks(except for when I was a cranky-pants). Now it just feels like a long stretch until my ideal weight in December. Which I won't get to if I continue my current habits.

Blast and wretch!

Here's the plan stan. I'm going to bed. Because I work in 7 hours and I need my sleep. Tomorrow I am going to take a good hour to look through some work out plans, possible fitness goals, and runs in the area. I am also weighing myself.

My body is not as strong as it was 8 days ago. Funny how that happens so fast.

Dagnabit:)

I shamROCKED that run!

I RAN A 5K!! Sunday was the big day. I got up uber early after a night of "carb-loading" (translation: mexican food and doughnuts....good stuff) and put on my hot pink spandex pants. Registration was full, there were thousands of people walking around in crazy green outfits and race numbers.

It was exciting to be a runner. I had a timer chip, a colored bib, and my handy dandy underwire sportsbra! I wasn't nervous until it began, but I quickly became okay with being passed by everyone. I didn't even notice the mile markers until mile 2, so I was in a good place mentally.

My time was 34 minutes, about 11 minutes a mile. I like that number. What's funny is that I have been running for 42 minutes straight for the past week so when I got to the finish line, I still had energy. I could have continued running. Me. A runner. Crazy.

I'm proud of myself, and ready to find another goal to work towards.

Dude!!!

I've lost 59.5lbs!

Current weight: 184.5lbs.

Current mood: happy.

Current earrings: wooden slugs.

Current drink: water from my camelbak.

Current wish: if I write it, it won't come true.

Happy day to all:)

More like Hip-NOT!

What I will be doing veryververy soon...except in a bed

My heart is broken. Shattered. My feet cannot find their groove. I've got the rhythm of the world inside me, and nowhere to let it out. Remember last Wednesday? I was pumped about a certain hip-hop class?

Here's the deal. My 24hour doesn't offer a hip-hop class. Ever. Apparently the internet and the sign outside their group class door are incorrect. My disappointment was great. My sorrow was wide. Luckily, my friend Meghan was there to cross the sorrow in a boat built for two...with beer.

That's right. Instead of working out, we went and got a pint. There was nowhere else to dance at 7pm on a Thursday! And we are both early workers, so staying out late is not really appealing (most of the time:). Thus, beer was the obvious runner-up for exercise.

So I am working on finding another dance outlet. One that doesn't cost much. But is more than my living room and Pandora on loud.

Mental Mush

My brain has been fried lately. The filing system is out of whack, and everyday I have to re-group, re-do, and re-focus. So my eating and exercise has been a little sporadic and varied. I didn't work out on Thursday, Saturday or yesterday, but I did a 43 minute run on Sunday(oh yeah Kristi, I lied...it was for our own good! She thought we only went for 40 minutes! Mwahahahaha!) I am also low on groceries, so I am grabbing at food.

Never good. I was thinking about how much I spend on groceries, and I was concerned that I was spending too much. But then I realized a few things.

1. I don't eat out a lot. So it makes sense that I spend more on groceries because I am making most of my food. The budgets balance out.
2. I buy good healthy food. It's worth the money I spend to have yummy food that is good for me. If the alternative is ramen every day, I'm happy to spend.
3. I am saving money in the long run. If I was eating really un-healthily/out a lot, my health problems would be bigger in the future....as would my medical bills.

The money I spend on food is an investment in myself. It is an investment in my body, my health, and my happiness. I love making meals! I love food! I don't go to the movies a lot or pay for cable, but I do spend time creating tastey yum in the kitchen!

Speaking of the kitchen

I just wanted to let you know that I made brussel sprouts on Friday again. For a group of people. Who like good food. I was really nervous about their reaction to them, but brother, those sprouts were gone in 2 winks of a coal miner's eye! (Anchormansoundtrackreference)

Time for this chica to snooze before her Wednesday weigh-in! Happy Tuesday to all, and to all, a goodnight!

(My 5k is this weekend! I still can't believe I am running! Neither can my boobs! God bless underwire sports bras!)

Rambles and a Picture!

I want to apologize for not giving y'all more photos to gander at. I don't know if I have shared this, but I don't have a camera. I basically break all technology around me, and so the fact that I have a computer that is still functioning after 5 months with me, is FANTASTIC. So I put a little pic at the top for you to enjoy. It's my brother, sister and I at the beach over Valentine's day...aren't we cute?! (yes)

I am really excited about tonight. Like, really, really, uber, and totally excited...because I am going to a hip hop class! What what! That's right, I'm about to bust a beat on the group class floor at my gym(probably with a whole bunch of other white gals:).

I have been wanting to have more dance in my life. Not just random dance parties to my Irish Pandora station, but slightly directed dancing. Who knows, maybe I will start a breakdancing group one of these days....no really, how cool would that be....I am such a nerd.

Anywho. I weighed in this week at 185.5. That's a solid 1lbs loss from last week! I can't believe how close to 180lb I am. So close. And from there it's a short 5 weeks to 175. And then one day I might break below 170 for the first time in my adult life. Awesome.

Can you tell that I'm not so cranky anymore? I allowed myself some cranky time, and then pulled out of it. I used to push bad feelings down. Fake a good mood, pretend, and smother the bad. The problem there, is that the bad isn't gone. It's still inside and boiling.

This journey I am on is not just about losing weight. For the first time in a long time, I am expressing my struggles, fears, wins and loses. I am exposing the bad feelings so I can change my behaviors. And I still get cranky. But I feel healthier in mind, knowing it's okay to be down, because I will go back up...I think that all makes sense.

Thanks for listening to the ramblings, and have a fantastic Thursday!

Cranky Pants

It's Monday. I have a balance of really great and slightly sucky in my life at this moment. And this is a moment where I'm letting the slightly sucky dominate. I'm cranky and sore, and I want my life to be a BBC Jane Austen mini-series. Where is my Mr.Tilney?

Anywho. That's where I am at the moment. I had a great weekend, as evidenced by the sweet picture of me above. My mom, my dog, and my roomie Kristi went on a hike in the Columbia Gorge with me! It was a gorgeous day, and Girl Scout cookies might have been consumed at the top...maybe:)

I love being outside. I think that is one of the reasons running is going so well for me. It guarantees me fresh air and a chance to work out whatever is cluttering my mind at the time. I challenge you to exercise outside this week, sans media. That's right. Take out the head phones, give it a try.

Weigh-in

Good news! I weighed this past week at 186.5! That's another 1.5lbs lost! Exclamation points! I felt relatively confident ordering a bridesmaid dress this week in a size smaller than what I tried on. The wedding is not until the end of July, so if I continue losing a pound a week, that will be another 21lbs down from where I am now. (I know I will continue on my plan. I know I can do this, and so I blocked out the doubt in the bridal shop worker's voice when I ordered a size smaller. I don't care what she's seen before. I'm not losing weight for the wedding, I'm losing it for myself, and I know I will continue to work myself and eat healthy. So in your face lady!)

I'm nervous for tomorrow's weigh-in. Probably because I ate three batches of nachos yesterday.

Did I write that outloud?

Shit.

Yep, it's true. I nixed dinner and noshed on nachos after my hike yesterday. I would never regret nachos, but three batches might have been pushing it. Maybe all the salt makes me cranky! Maybe I'm just cranky. Good thing I am running later, I'll pound it out on the pavement. A happy Monday to you all, hope you are feeling good and ready for the week!

That damn slope

I've slid a bit. And by a bit, I mean a lot. I think the real low point was this afternoon as I sat on the couch stuffing my face with crap chocolate slightly melted in stale coffee while watching Faerie Tale Theater with Shelley Duvall. Of course, that was after the burrito, cheesesticks and goldfish late Saturday, and the (other) burrito, swedish meatballs, and midnight chocolate chip pancakes.

I fell hard. The best indicator that I am not eating well is when I don't food journal at the end of the day. I don't want to face the truth. What's funny is that I have been doing great with exercise and training, but food late at night is my downfall.

Sitting with crumbs on my belly while watching Matthew Broderick be Prince Charming, I knew I needed to pick myself up and start the day again. I took a long run after a nap, and it was a perfect cure. I've been eating healthy for the last few hours, and am feeling on the up and up.

We all need different things from a diet. Some people need a strict plan, others need general guide lines. What works for me is making my own food. In the kitchen I am in charge, and can do whatever I like with portions, and oils, salt and sugar. I don't like depriving myself though, so when I go out to eat, I don't look for the low-cal option, I look for whatever sounds tastiest, and then try to resist eating it all right then. Having a small budget makes eating in a better option 95% of the time, but this weekend I ate out 4 times, and that took it's toll.

I have been working on making a budget for myself. I think I need to keep my health in mind when I factor in a restaurant and drinks amount. Then I can save money and my health!

In good news, I am pretty sure that I ran over 3 miles today! It is my week to be running 35 minutes straight, and the last five usually involve me panting and slowing down, but daggummit, I made it to 35 minutes straight! I think....I might....be becoming....a runner? Weird. Here's hoping my boobs don't disappear!

Everyone needs to go about "dieting" their own way.

Let your love open the door

Hope everyone had an excellent day/weekend of loving and living! I was blessed to spend Valentine's Day celebrating my grandmother's 75th birthday with my whole family. (not much time to think about being single:)

I feel so blessed (there is that word again) to have my family. They support me, make me laugh, and know how to throw a darn good open house! We had family portraits taken, and I felt good about myself. If we had taken these pictures a year ago, I would have pretended to feel good about the body/face/double chin on everyone's mantel, but now I actually do feel good about my current body being immortalized.

Losing weight has helped me appreciate my body. I will never have a flat stomach. I have veins and moles and scars and acne(dammit!)....but I can move. I can stand for hours I can run for 30 minutes straight. AND I can fit into a size 16 bridesmaid dress at David's Bridal. It feels like I am finally inhabiting my body. Blemishes and all, this is me. Worrying or stressing will not improve my life. Freaking out about a scar in the middle of my forehead or the cellulite on my ass is only interesting for about 2 minutes. Then it's time to move onto actual living, doing, and moving.

I write this now, knowing that there will be days when I forget. Moments when I want to eat and sit and criticize. I will have this to look back on.

Weigh-in

I weigh 188lbs!! I have officially lost 56lbs. That is how much a bushel of shelled corn weighs...random?

So what am I doing that is working? There are two things that I think have been contributing to my recent success:

1. Planned Exercise. In training for my 5k, I have committed to running 3 times a week. This is non-negotiable. In addition to those runs, I am doing 2 resistance/weights workouts a week. I'm not going to pay for a membership to 24hour fitness unless I am using it. My life was missing resistance training, but it's back, and I am excited about getting stronger! And I get to choose a random activity 1 day a week! This could be dancing, or going on a hike, or....well...I don't know. But I am going to try a hip-hop class soon, and at some point I will try pilates:) So to recap: 3 days of running, 2 days of weights/resistance, 1 whatever, and 1 day of rest. The routine really helps me focus, and I can see the results!
2. Using the 80% rule of eating. To me, this means I eat really healthy and moderately at least 80% of the time. I shoot for all the time, but I just can't deny myself all the tastey pleasures this world has to offer. Like the Twix I had tonight at the movies. I had one stick during the previews, and one when I started writing this post. Sure it's not great for me, but I like it, and I'm not having another one for probably another 4 months. This idea of 80% also helps me get back on track after slip-ups. Instead of being discouraged after eating something not-so-great, I move onto making better choices for the rest of the day. Less guilt, more fun...and pounds lost!

TMI

My body doesn't like "crap" food. Example: This past Sunday I had a piece of birthday cake, lots of cheese on a white bread pastrami sandwich, pop, punch, and about 5 pieces of frosted cardamon bread (Grandma's birthday, remember?)

Monday morning I was gassy and kept having to go to the bathroom. That might be too much information for y'all, but it was interesting to have my body react to food so noticeably. Good for you body, for loving good food and fussing over the bad! Who thought I would ever celebrate gas? (not me, that's fo' sho)

Love

Let's talk about the title of my post(remember it? it's way up there at the top, you troopers!) Love opens doors. We often focus on others. but think of all the doors that open when you love yourself. When you respect and honor yourself, you live a better life. Let your love for others and yourself lead you to healthy choices and playing big!

Love,

Losergirl Jess

Any weigh you want it!

It's a drizzly grey morning here in Portland, and I LOVE IT! I love the rain. I love the sound, the feel, the coziness, the wetness....if rain could sing it would be Rosemary Clooney and Fergie combined, and I would be her biggest fan.

Did I mention I like the rain? I know it gets dreary, but the entire culture out here is based on precipitation, so a rainy winter means fuller lakes, better snowboarding, and excellent white water rafting. Also, more fresh food in the summer!

Lows of the week thus far

Microwaving my yoghurt. whoops. I had chicken soup leftovers in an old yoghurt container and I so I popped what I thought was tasty soup into the microwave at work....but all I got was hot yoghurt....bleegh. (I put it in the fridge when I got home, and it tastes fine:)

I over-ate yesterday. With food that really has no nutritional value. Salty sweet stuff that I know better than to eat, especially one after the other.

Highs of the week.

I went on a run/walk that was 5 miles!!! It was such a beautiful day on Monday, I didn't want to come inside. So I just kept moving. The great thing about running outside is that when I get tired, I can't just turn off the treadmill and step off. I still have to get home. I still have to be engaged and alert and moving.

I weighed in this past Tuesday at 189.5!!!! I have broken through 190! That means I get to treat myself to a class of some sort. Now. Since I am on a tight budget, my options are the classes at my gym. So I think Zumba and Hip Hop will be entering my life soon. Cause I'm so gangsta, yo.

Have a great Friday, and enjoy whatever weather you are blessed with!

Lots of updates!

Trainer Meeting

Being a new member of 24hour got me a session with a trainer! It was more an informational session than working out, but it was very helpful. He asked me questions about my nutrition and exercise...and broke my coasting bubble of not trying very hard.

I'll be honest. I have not been pushing myself in the past few months, specifically with resistance training. When I do resistance training at all I stick with 10lb weights...and usually just work my arms.

Oops. I got some hard truths about pushing myself. He kindly informed me that it was stupid to only work my arms. So I am going to work on my whole body now including arms, back, legs, chest, and core. Which means, among many other things, doing push-ups. I HATE PUSHUPS.

Pushups

In an effort to push myself, I worked out with one of my co-workers on Thursday. She lead me through her routine for abs and arms, and then I went on to workout my back. It's been too long since I sweated durning a weights workout. DId I mention that I am still sore? 3 days later?

What I am trying to say, is that it is time to push myself. And not in a general way. Here is what I want to do:

1. Resistance training for the whole body twice a week. No excuses. Sweat must happen.
2. Push-ups. 20 one Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays.
3. Stretch more. I think I'm going to move the coffee table aside as I watch 30 Rock and stretch it out on the carpet. I might as well move and become more flexible as I watch hilarious Tina Fey!

Running

I think I'm becoming an addict. I love being outside, and I can feel my body getting more and more used to continuous jogging. This week I am moving up to at least 20 minutes straight as I train for the Shamrock run...and I know I can do it.

Moment of Inspiration.

Remember that your playing small does not serve the world. Remember that you are immensely capable and in charge of your choices. This world is a wondrous place, and you honor it and all of us by living a fantastic life. Happy Sunday!

Easy like Sunday morning...

Actually, it's not that easy...but you knew that. The whole "eat less(and healthier) and move more" idea sounds simple, but it gets complicated because life is complicated.

Like this morning, I had a rough start and didn't realize until too late that I did in fact have time to exercise before work. And now I am off to work. whoops:)

So this is a mini post to let you know that I will be doing a more in depth post this evening, as well as a yoga video from exercise tv....I found it through this awesome lady.

I usually don't like yoga, but I'm giving it a go. Off to work, have a FANTABULOUS Sunday!

Winner Winner Chicken Dinner!

I made a tasty meal using my own food in my own apartment and get to eat my own leftovers! (small victories people, celebrate them:)

I baked chicken lightly drizzled in olive oil and garlic schtuff, rice made with 1/2 water 1/2 tomato juice, and sauteed sqaush and tomatoes. I think I got healthier just typing that. The great thing is that I have leftovers, so I am getting 3 meals after only cooking 1.

Any tips on healthy eating when (usually) cooking for one? Good dinner recipes? I am all ears.

5k Training

It has begun. I am loosely planning my training around time goals. Try to run at least 15 minutes straight this week. 20 minutes the next, and keep adding on 5 minutes of continuous running every week until the big day!

We ran yesterday morning, after a night of bollywood dancing(oh yeah). There were certain points where I really had to push myself, get over whatever mental hurdle was tripping my up, and keep going.

Like when we were running up a hill, or when I realized I still had at least 4 more blocks to run and my legs felt like lead. Or when I went off to lala land and couldn't remember the last 4 blocks.

I like to be present when I am running. I haven't listened to music while running becauseI want to be where I am...this isn't to say I won't ever listen to Fergie while pounding the pavement. Cause she rocks, that's why.

It feels like the start to a good week folks...let's make it so:)

Signed, Sealed, Joined, I'm yours!

I did it! You are now reading the words of a member of 24hour fitness. It's more expensive than I thought, but I;m worth it, and I need it. I am also excited about my free consultation next week. I think I get measurements and what-not done, which will be nice to check compared to my last measuring.

Going there wasn't as bad as I imagined (gee, really?). It basically seems like everyone is busy doing their own thing, and I was there at mid-day, so meat-cake percentage was low. I am excited to add resistance training to my schedule again! It might mean a small increase in weight for a bit, but it is ultimately healthier, and will help me lose weight faster.

Which, speaking of weight, I weighed myself at 24hour today. It was a new scale for me, and so instead of noting my weight as a factfactfact, I am considering this my recalibration week. According to the 24hour fitness scale in the women's locker room, I am 191lbs! I know one or both of the scales I have now used could be wrong, but let's celebrate that weight anyways!

WOOTWOOT!

Okay, did a little celebration dance in my seat, back to blogging:)

Another cause for celebration is the run Kristi(awesomecoolroommate) and I did yesterday. We jogged about 2/3 of what I found out was a 3.6mile route! Running with Kristi is good for me because she can run faster and longer than I can, so I try not to slow her down, and speed up in the process!

Speaking of running...it's 5K time.

The end of January has snuck up on me. Out of nowhere. Like a fitness tiger who will bite off my head unless I run. Anywho.

I am designing my own training program. Most training programs are for beginners (they want me to start off with 10 minutes of running 3 days a week), but there are also intermediate ones (that want me to start with 3 miles 3 times a week). Neither of those really work for me.

So I have gotten out my paper and pens, and am trying to create a program. I know I want to run 3 days a week. Do I make them set run days? Do I switch it up every week? How long/far should I run?

I'm figuring it out. All I know is that at this moment I need to go buy myself a bed, and then do some resistance training. So I'm off until next time.

Anyone else training for something specific? What is your training program? Any tips?

And another year is here!

So it’s Tuesday. Weigh-in day. And 24hour Fitness has a scale. So I should know my weight. Do you see the excuses coming?

I didn’t join 24hour Fitness. And I didn’t weigh myself today. But....

It’s my BIRTHDAY!

I am officially 23 years old. And I think it’s going to be a great year for me. I have a place in the city, good friends nearby, jobs that pay, and a body that can hike up mini-mountains, run 3 miles(okay, walk and run 3 miles) and go on long walks at the beach...let me prove it to you:

(jumping on the mountain!)

(we ran to a bakery...and picked up some buns for dinner...this is me showing mine off:)

(A sideways lighthouse...I know, it's crazy)

I had to talk myself into joining 24hour a little more. Money is tight right now, and so I am stressing out about "extraneous expenses." But it's only $18 a month, and if I want to stop the membership after a month, I can. And I need some classes and weights.

And...

HOLY GOODNESS IT'S ALMOST FEBRUARY!!

I did not see that coming! Soon and very soon, I will be starting to train for the Shamrock Run, my 5k in Mid-March. Right now I'm just randomly running around Portland, getting to know the city better, but when I start training I will be a little more disciplined about distance and length of runs.

Then I'll be ready for a marathon....just kidding! Yeah, not running more than 20 miles. It goes against my religion:)

My roomie and I had our families over for dinner tonight, and I found myself saying that the secret to my success is "eat less, move more." Doesn't that sound simple? It is infuriatingly not so. It is difficult sometimes and stressful and makes me feel vulnerable and scared, but it is something I do for myself. Not for the approval of others, not for society, but for me.

Thanks for reading my ramblings. Stayed tuned in for more frequent updates.

10 reasons I should join 24

I need some motivation and push to join 24hour fitness. It seriously intimidates me. There are sweaty people there. In workout clothes other than baggy old shirts. They have lockers, and saunas, and rows upon rows of machines...

1. I need to weigh-in. Every week, on the same scale. And I don't own one...and don't really want to own one either.
2. I need the weights. I can do some workouts at home, but it's great to have all the machines accessible.
3. If it's truly awful weather, I can run inside.
4. It makes sense to invest money into my health. And if I use the gym 3 times a week, it's only $2per visit.
5. Mapquest says the nearest 24 is 3 minutes away. Come on.
6. Some of my friends work out at 24, so I would have some motivation from them to work-out!
7. Classes can be really fun!
8. And I haven't tried Zumba yet!
9. I can always cancel it during the summer if I want to spend more time outside.
10. Because I am worth a gym membership.

So there they are. All my reasons, in writing. Tomorrow I will go and get info, and then I think I will join on Monday, since I will be gone for the weekend...

Did I mention I'm leaving town with friends for a little birthday celebration?! Woot woot! I have an entire 3 DAYS OFF. I haven't had that since...I don't know, October?

It's going to be really difficult to lose weight when I am already planning on beer and pizza, but I am also planning on moving a lot, so we'll see how it goes. My goal is 195 on Tuesday...crossing my fingers....trying to start 23 49lbs lighter than 22.

Nervous, but excited...

Hi. It’s been a while. Which might be sad for my waist line....but I'm pretty happy. You see, I have been commuting to both of my odd-houred jobs 6 days a week for the past few months...and when I say commuting, I mean 18 miles...one way. Suckface.

But you are now reading the words of an apartment inhabiter in one of the best cities ever, Portland! Woot woot! I am less than 4 miles away from both jobs, I will be living with two of the coolest people in my life, and I finally have a use for those Moroccan carpets I was sold in Fez....long story....that makes me look bad...I am such a pushover...nope, moving on:)

The last few days have been hectic as I pack, find furniture, change addresses, and stress about life changing.

Because, as we all know, even good change can be a little scary. I am ready to leave my parent's house(again), I need to be closer to work, I love the city and the people, but...

what if?

What I can't afford to pay my student loans now that I have rent and groceries? What if I suck at buying and cooking myself healthy food? (I've lived on my own before, just not while eating healthy) What if my hours get cut at work and I can’t afford rent?

Do you notice the theme? Money. Yikes. I like having money to do things I want to do, but I hate having to stress about it. So I’m going to create a budget, manage my money, and maybe take that cute accountant who comes into my coffeeshop out for a “money management” date:)

Weigh-in

Hmmmm. I was wondering if 194.5lbs was too good to be true. Last night I weighed in and was 196lbs. Which is still awesome! I have lost 48lbs! But it is up from the last weigh-in. My goal is to rock this week and weigh-in at 194.5 again next tuesday(at a new gym no less!)

I won’t be close to my community fitness center after this week, so I am stepping it up and joining a big girls gym...a place I find very intimidating...and dark...but that has good equipment and classes...I’m talking about 24hour Fitness. It’s the Hollister of gyms to me. Dark entrance, I don’t know if I belong, and there is funny smell being pumped out the front:)

But I know I need a gym to go to while it is still winter, so I’m investing the $20 or so a month in my health. Because I deserve it.

Happy-Body-Whatnot

I was in a circuit class the other day, and had a realization. I was at a station where you are stepping up on an aerobics step, kicking out your leg, and then repeating. There were two steps to chose from. One was higher off the ground.

That’s the one I chose. And as I was sweating and kicking and wishing for water or a break, I realized how far I have come. I am almost 50lbs lighter than last summer. I can move and push and jump! I can take on the big step, and I should take on the big step. My playing small does not serve the world.

Going for what I want and need, striving for excellence, being happy, joyful, and helpful, that is what serves the world, and myself, best.

It’s mid January. I know we all have goals, resolutions, that are starting to get difficult. Recommit. Find the passion, remember your reasons, and know that you are capable. Ask for help and celebrate every little milestone, every little victory (although maybe not with 5 margaritas and brownies...because celebration throwing up is never fun:)

*title of post inspired by this hilarious skit.

Change of Address

I'm moving! Into a great place in the great city of Portland with some great friends! It's great!

So that is what I have been focusing on the past week and a half. While watching my eating and exercising...so when I weighed myself a few days late, I saw

194.5lbs!!

That's what I'm talking about! It's still really busy getting everything ready for moving/moving/unpacking/painting furniture/finding stuff on craigslist and at goodwill, but stick around for updates and how my exercise/eating life is about to change.

And be grateful exercise has advanced past this: Body Fusion

Happy Wednesday

Just popping in for a moment, to say that I have not weighed in yet this week....but I have a (kinda) good reason...that I will share with y'all in a day or two...a life change...that makes me really happy...and scares me...which means it's good for me.

(Are you intrigued? Excited? Me TOO!)

Let's hear it for the girls!

Enough about me. Let's talk about some other great people. Like suseebe. You might have noticed her amazingly inspiring and helpful comments at the end of my posts. She's a wonderful support in my life, and I love what she has to say. Like the other day, she left this little note from Dr.Oz:

From Dr. Oz on AOL's "That's Fit" column ...

--Don't beat yourself up if you "cheat."--
Hey, everyone occasionally has an off day, when, say the desire to eat a few ... okay, 10... chocolate chip cookies gets the better of us. When that happens, says Dr. Oz, don't brow-beat yourself. Instead, "recognize your mistake and recognize what led to your mistake, then get back on track." Some of Dr. Oz's quick and easy suggestions for getting back on the program -- and feeling better about your progress: Take a five-minute walk, toss out a calorie-rich or otherwise unhealthy food you're still holding on to (like the rest of that bag of cookies); write out your meal plan for tomorrow. "Doing something small and easily attainable, keeps you moving in the right direction," he says.

As we all know, my life went a little wayward in the past week, and this comment came to my rescue a few times. There was one day where I felt all the food was spiraling out of my control and onto my ass...so I threw out some stale holiday cookies.

I was running a little late on Thursday, and was thinking about skipping my run...dissapointing my dog...and my ass again...but I thought about a five minute walk, and said, I can run for 15 minutes. So I did. It wasn't thirty, like I had originally wanted. But it wasn't nothing. So thank you Susan, for you encouragement, support, laughter, and wisdom. I would be on the elliptical next to you any day:)

I have this friend, named A. It's a simple name but it suits her just fine:) She started running about a month ago. At 5:15am every other day. Where it is very cold. And that deserves praise, adoration, trumpets blowing and confetti! Or at the very least, a thank you, for being an inspiration for me.

And then there are all the blogs I read. Look to the right. See that list of blogs? I don't know many of those ladies personally, but their lives help me, motivate me, and make me think. So check 'em out.

And finally, I would like to dedicate this post, to the Shakeweight. (watch this video right now. Don't keep reading, just click on it. I'm serious, there is nothing important after this. Just watch it!) Because life was not ridiculous enough.

Happy New Year!!

(I'm such a party girl...really:)

hmmm...it seems I have been absent for a while. I wish I had a really good explanation, like I was moving, or was randomly selected to fly to New York to spend New Years with John Krasinski....but no such luck:)

I have been sick, stressed, and full of excuses. But let's back up, shall we? Maybe back to New Years?

To the New Year, and beyond...

And thus began my descent into bad eating. I had a big lobster dinner with the family before going to a house party...where I had tequila shots, hard cider, brownies, and those amazing costco truffles.

And then on friday I had Macaroni Grill for lunch....delicious fail. We ate the fresh baked bread...okay, I ate the fresh baked bread. And then we shared the mozarella fritti(dressed up mozarella sticks, 670 cal). And then I ate my whole meal(Honey basalmic chicken, 640 cal).

Four hours later we had sushi for dinner.

And then Sunday we went to the Seahawks game, which means dim sum, hot dogs, garlic fries, and pizza/pasta on the way home.

The point of this mini-food-listing, is that I overdid it. I even drank pop, which I never do! And if you are wondering, I only exercised on friday and saturday. My balance has been off.

Weigh-In...

Not good. I gained a pound. I wasn't surprised, but I cursed the scale silently in the corner of the gym. I am back to 199lbs. Remember 2 weeks ago? When I was setting goals, shortening my time-period for weight-loss, and generally kicking ass?

Something changed. I think I gave in. I was on top of everything for so long, I was succeeding through the holidays, and then...not.

I'm thinking out loud (on keyboard?) right now, but maybe I was afraid of my potential. Maybe my success scared me, because if I can do this, think of what else I can do. Where will my excuses be then? If I can do this, lose 90lbs, I can do anything.

ANYTHING. And that scares me. So I am turning to a quote from Marianne Williamson my friend Shayna used to have in our dorm room:

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.

We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous? Actually who are we not to be? You are a child of God.

Your playing small doesn’t serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you."

My playing small does not serve the world. It is my responsibility to live my life the best and healthiest way I can. I have a fully functioning body that can accomplish amazing feats...if I push myself. If I embrace my potential and fabulousity:)

So here is to a FABULOUS new year, playing big, and knowing when to take half a meal home. Happy 2010:)