(I'm such a party girl...really:)
I have been sick, stressed, and full of excuses. But let's back up, shall we? Maybe back to New Years?
To the New Year, and beyond...
And thus began my descent into bad eating. I had a big lobster dinner with the family before going to a house party...where I had tequila shots, hard cider, brownies, and those amazing costco truffles.
And then on friday I had Macaroni Grill for lunch....delicious fail. We ate the fresh baked bread...okay, I ate the fresh baked bread. And then we shared the mozarella fritti(dressed up mozarella sticks, 670 cal). And then I ate my whole meal(Honey basalmic chicken, 640 cal).
Four hours later we had sushi for dinner.
And then Sunday we went to the Seahawks game, which means dim sum, hot dogs, garlic fries, and pizza/pasta on the way home.
The point of this mini-food-listing, is that I overdid it. I even drank pop, which I never do! And if you are wondering, I only exercised on friday and saturday. My balance has been off.
Weigh-In...
Not good. I gained a pound. I wasn't surprised, but I cursed the scale silently in the corner of the gym. I am back to 199lbs. Remember 2 weeks ago? When I was setting goals, shortening my time-period for weight-loss, and generally kicking ass?
Something changed. I think I gave in. I was on top of everything for so long, I was succeeding through the holidays, and then...not.
I'm thinking out loud (on keyboard?) right now, but maybe I was afraid of my potential. Maybe my success scared me, because if I can do this, think of what else I can do. Where will my excuses be then? If I can do this, lose 90lbs, I can do anything.
ANYTHING. And that scares me. So I am turning to a quote from Marianne Williamson my friend Shayna used to have in our dorm room:
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous? Actually who are we not to be? You are a child of God.
Your playing small doesn’t serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you."
My playing small does not serve the world. It is my responsibility to live my life the best and healthiest way I can. I have a fully functioning body that can accomplish amazing feats...if I push myself. If I embrace my potential and fabulousity:)
So here is to a FABULOUS new year, playing big, and knowing when to take half a meal home. Happy 2010:)
Hi Jess,
ReplyDeleteYou dont know my but my cousin Adrianne Cryer sent me to your blog, because I just started blogging about a similar journey....
I am encouraged that you share your humanity as we will sometimes fall... but you have yet to fail! Keep it up. I am excited to see how you do!
Again, let me just express to you how amazing I think you are. Thanks for doing this blog- I look to it often for inspiration/motivation and to send supportive vibes your way. Keep on keeping on!
ReplyDeleteAh the fear of failure and the fear of success. Funny that. Who would've thought that attaining a goal, being noticed and getting compliments could possibly have the opposite effect than we'd expect? Jess, your Marianne Williamson quote says it all. I suspect few expect to fear the goal they're striving for, but there it is. What happens when we achieve success? What do we do when we've done it?
ReplyDeleteI actually hit my goal. People started noticing and complimenting. All of the sudden, I lost all my motivation. That was something I never expected. So there's another thing to consciously consider ... How will I handle success? Can I accept it and what goes along with it?
How do I maintain it without those magic weight loss numbers or the thrill/challenge of the journey?
Glad you're back Jess. Another holiday survived and well experienced.
Ah Jess that is something I needed to read right now in my life, it is so applicable in all areas.
ReplyDeleteI have been trying to get back into shape as well and the post above is so true, if you can't do the whole 30 minutes why not do as much as you can. At least its something. I so often cop out of things if I can't 100% complete them, it's an easy out.
You are such an awesome and beautiful lady <3
-Katie
Hmmm...that picture looks familiar! Ich vermisse dich, Liebe Jess!
ReplyDelete